Tag Archive: strength

The ladies

The ladies took me out last night for a game of pool down the road.  It was a nice change of pace.  It’s good to have friends who know just when to lift you up.  I’ve been lucky with that.  Erick has been great too – very understanding.  Life is good and we need to take the time to be grateful occasionally – not just on the holiday.

Kate is doing well – she has a long climb ahead, but she’s still with us and strong as ever.  I’m so moved by her motivation.  She’s a tough gal and I can see her climbing mountains in the future just to spite Melvin, her tumor.  

It helps to give tumors silly names.  They’re silly bastard cells that make life difficult.  And in most cases, they wreak terribly havoc on their way out.  At the same time, the scars left behind remind us of how strong we were and how much strength lies just beneath the surface.  Kate is discovering this now and it’s a beautiful transition to see unfolding within her.

My how strong my friends have been not only in their own lives, but in helping others.  These are women who have conquered fear, annihilated inhibition, and lived to inspire others.  I owe them my sanity, my respect and admiration.

It’s really challenging dealing with fatigue.  It’s not a symptom that’s obvious on the exterior.  I can fake feeling good in public, but the feelings of inadequacy that gather internally become evident after a short while.  Emotionally, it’s a huge drain trying to keep things going while every muscle feels twice its weight and your shoulders slope forward out of weakness.  I had a doctor once tell me fatigue causes your body to fold in on itself.   I felt like a flower at the end of its life; each petal curling inward.

I think that’s the trouble with fatigue – the failure to see improvements after a few days, makes the sufferer very weary of getting up in the morning.  And this feeds into a blanket of depression feeding the fatigue.  Erick was my hero- taking me out to the park last evening as way for me to reconnect with nature.  I was still tired, but immediately I noticed an improvement in my outlook.  Today is much improved and I’m realizing the importance of finding ways to cope with stress.  One of the driving factors in my three horrible days was my inability to cope with any of it accompanied by my stubbornness in acknowledging how just bad I felt.  

It’s hard going through treatments for cancer, and some of the lasting effects are equally as difficult to manage.  I think the key is to know how to manage stress – what brings pleasure into your life?  What allows you to relax and heal?  And remembering it takes real strength (not the physical kind) to recognize what needs to be fixed and to set out for a solution.  There’s nothing weak about that.